Feeling Strong...

Ok so I survived Funday Monday and now that that is behind me, it's time to stay focused on the week ahead but I will start with focusing on today! "Going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have time." (-Old School) I have a busy busy Tuesday to say the least. Cardio is halfway complete, work, Pete, Rosaline, gym for quads and glutes (oh baby) then round 2 cardio followed by laundry, food prep, Stella snuggle session and hopefully to bed by a reasonable hour. Yesterday was a great day in the gym and I felt stronger than I have in a long time. Batman and I were the only ones there from the crew (until later) so we decided to do heavy shoulders. To start, I did a seated press with a plate on each side for a set of 4 (ok 6 but Batman did the last 2 for me) then hammered out a few other shoulder exercises and ended with shrugs in which I did two plates on each side. I feel bigger and fuller but it is also a mind trip because I am not used to feeling this way. I honestly forgot what it felt like and I got used to the feeling of being "dieted down". I know a lot of this is mental and it is something I will have to deal with and overcome because if I keep competing, I will go through this time and time again. Another battle I will have to face and I will try my damndest to make sure it does not get the best of me! It is a "Mind over Matter" kind of deal.

Batman and I were talking yesterday and a few things were brought up that made me wonder about myself. The sport I chose to compete in is a very individual sport and it can be quite selfish for the fact that I will not miss a gym session unless I absolutely have to and I will put off plans until I get things done in the gym. Now does this hurt me in the social aspect? Possibly. The individuals who are also competitors understand and they have ways of making me feel like a normal person, even though I think I need to set up a cot in the gym since I am there more than their own employees. I recently had a bodybuilder remind me of some very important things and goodness did it make me feel special. He told me to take each day as it comes and since I know what I am capable of, there is no reason to stress. Also, Pete knows exactly what/how to get me where I need to be, so just believe in myself. Since I have spent some serious time gaining my independence and standing up for ME, competing only reinforces my decision to fight for my independence. Yet, I think this is hurting me in some areas too. I may be TOO independent which in turn pushes people away. I don't mean to push people away but yes it takes me time to allow individuals into my life and past the brick wall. Once past that wall however, they stay forever. Trying to figure out the 'happy medium' is what I will continue to do and I think that with each day and experience, this will work itself out. I need to remember... One day at a time. Take it one day at a time and really live each and every day for what it is, with those around me, and in the best possible way!

Ciao for now,      J