Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there. - Marcus Aurelius
If you know me, you know that taking a week off from dieting and training (especially training) is very very hard for me to do. Stir-crazy does not even explain how I feel but I am doing my best to keep occupied with all the things I haven't paid much attention too...like house work and laundry! I was able to spend some time with my family last night and picked up Stella. Excited to see me? She couldn't control her excitement! She was smothering me but it was soo great to see her and have her cuddle on the couch with me last night for the first time in a while. I slept in (yes that means 4:15 am) and back at work for day 2 of no gym. Today is going to be filled with a deep tissue massage, house work, and grocery shopping. I do not have anything in my house to eat, and I actually look like a lost puppy in the store because I do not even know what to buy since I am used to fish, asparagus and well... more fish!
I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past few months and the first part of my journey. I have learned more about myself and who I am compared to any other time in my life. I have healed from hurts that have haunted me for the past couple years, I have developed love and kindness towards myself that I have never been able to exhibit, and I have grown tremendously into someone I am proud of. This journey has allowed me to be myself and prove to myself that I can do anything as long as I push forward, no matter how hard it may be. The individuals I have encountered during my journey have also played key roles in my new found love and spirit. To all of you that have been there for me, pushed me and encouraged me, held my hand through the rough times and listened to me when I needed to vent...Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to my amazing family for seeing me through this process and supporting me no matter what. I am blessed beyond words to be a part of such a loving family. To my boys at the gym, I will never be able to repay you for all your commitment to me as we suffered through some awful workouts and carb-depleted days. To my SaveFitness team mates and coaches, I do not know where I would be without you. Being able to relate to your journeys and knowing I have a "sister" just a text/call away is a wonderful feeling and I am thankful for each one of you. To my CZ team...You rock! Enough said. You have a special place in my heart and I look forward to every encounter with you. To Pete and Apple, the biggest thank you ever! I love each and everyone of you and really appreciate your support!
Loving myself and having confidence has been a struggle for many years but as my mom pointed out this past weekend, I have a new attitude and I appreciate my body and how it is works so hard for me. I now appreciate food more than ever and understand why it is important to fuel for workouts and no longer fear gaining weight. This has been an emotional journey for sure and I am looking forward to the future and all it holds! I am excited to continue on and keep competing and I hope that I can help others learn to love themselves through exercise and diet.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and to never stop fighting.” — E. E. Cummings
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