What Do You Seek In Life?

This is a question that I ask myself over and over again. What is it that I want out of my life? What do I want to do or be? Where am I going and is it the right direction? If there is one thing that I absolutely get frustrated about it is this... I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. I can set a goal and work my butt off to do everything possible in order to achieve it. I can make up my mind about pretty much anything and stay committed to that decision. I am not scared of hard work and know that in order to get to where I want to be, I have to pay the price. Why is it then that I am a 25 year old who can not figure out what I should be? I have never been one of those people who said in 3rd grade, "I want to be a fire fighter or a doctor or a veterinarian" and they do just that. My sister knows exactly what she wants to be and is almost there. I however, am a free floater taking multiple paths and winding all around trying to figure it out which frankly, pisses me off. Sure, I have great ideas and dreams but how do I create those into a future that is not only secure but also satisfying? I found a quote that fits into this situation and I thought I would share it with yall.

"To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says:  leave no stone unturned."

Well here's my application for road construction then because I have been turning stones over left and right on this road and I am pretty sure I would have a brand new highway paved faster than the construction on I-405 in Bellevue! I will not give up and I will keep fighting this battle to become something...someone...great. There is no doubt in my mind that once I get it figured out, I will make it work but for now this aching, gut-wrenching feeling in the bottom of my stomach needs to find a new home because I don't like it and its interfering with my training. So I ask you... what is the best way to get rid of an anxious belly ache?

Yesterday was a Pete day, woot woot! Ha yea right, here's the kicker... Pete just got a bunch of new equipment for the gym and not only did it make the place look bad ass, it also gave opportunity to inflict a lot more pain. I trained glutes/hammies and this morning while doing cardio, I felt each and every step on that dang step mill. So Pete, my glutes thank you and I am not very happy with you because I am having difficulty walking today! :) I am on track and we have decided that my next show will be November 19th in Olympia. This gives me some time to size up before dieting back down. I am looking forward to a new prep round for I am trying to scheme up something, a new look for November that is better than ever! I will keep you posted on that process...

Ciao for now,    J

Peak at USA's

Just a quick peak at what USA's stage presence looked like. A good friend recorded my time on stage and it is pretty funny to watch because I actually look calm and collected while up there but little do you know, my insides were turning and I was sweating bullets because I was soo nervous!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=842224493460

Life's A Dance, You Learn As You Go

"The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place."--Barbara de Angelis

I will be honest when I say it has been hard for me to blog for I am feeling lost, confused, and very unsettled in life as we know it. My crazy beautiful ride has turned into so much more and I will tell you something... I am scared about all that is too come on my journey. I have made my big decision... I am moving back to attend Graduate School and this was a tough call for me because I have an amazing family and network of individuals I do not want to leave nor disappoint one way or the other. I have a hard time with letting the unknown happen and this is all my life is right now...unknowns and uncertainties. I don't know what is going to come of the next few months but I do know this is not going to be easy! I will still be competing and training because that is one thing in my life that is for sure... I want to compete. I thought life was already busy but it is about to get a whole lot busier and time management will have to be my best friend. Who I once thought I was has now evolved into a woman I am proud to be even if it means that I stumble and become weak in times of trial and doubt. I know deep down I have what it takes to accomplish what is in front of me, or anything I put my mind too, but that doesn't make it any easier when I am facing my fears. Our goals, accomplishments, desires, and dreams develop our characters but so do our fears, hardships, and defeats. Not only am I realizing I do not like the taste of fear or defeat, I am realizing that it takes a lot more courage than I once thought to over come those fears.

Ciao for now,       J

Here Fishy Fishy...

It sure has been a long time since I last updated yall on my journey in the gym and what's been happening in life. Well here is a little catch up since I have been home from Vegas... I took a week off from training and dieting (but only because Pete said I had too) and the past week I have been hitting the gym hard and trying to get my body back into training. I have new areas to focus on an improve for the next show (which is still TBD) but it helps me in the gym big time. I know what I have to really hammer down on in addition to the everyday training I already do. Some body parts will be hit a couple times a week and some maybe more than that in order to get to where I need to be come the next show. I have a very heavy decision weighing on my mind and it will definitely change some things depending on what I decide to do. Its been on my brain day in and day out for the past week or so and I still do not feel like I have any guidance on the matter. With a 'Pros and Cons' list made up, it is time for me to sit my booty down and make my final decision, no regrets, no looking back, no second guessing...Yea easier said than done!



This is Henry

 I just got home from a fishing trip, (you heard me correctly) a fishing trip with friends and family. We went up to Barkley Sound in B.C. and it was amazing! Not only is it one of the most beautiful places I have seen but I also really enjoy fishing and had a great time catching a halibut and my rockfish Henry. Haha, yes I did name him before my brother made him fish tacos. My family has a float cabin on the ocean that is the coolest place for fishing, crabbing, hanging out and enjoying the simple things in life (but it does have a shower with hot water) :) This was the first time since I was probably 6 or 8 that I went fishing with my Dad and sister and I am pretty sure they are both very impressed with my Fisherwoman skills! At one point, I had fish blood on my Carhartts and I was learning how to rock fish by jigging my pole on the ocean's floor. There are many more trips for me back to Barkley, and the only thing that I am upset about is that I did not get up there sooner nor did I stay long enough this time around.

Ciao for now,     J

Home Sweet Home...

I am finally back home and getting settled in after a whirlwind week in Las Vegas. It was an amazing experience and I can not wait until the next one. My days were filled with workouts, relaxing, resting, eating, and focusing on why I was down there in the first place. Heres a look at the average day while I was in Vegas... Wake up, eat 1st meal, hit the gym and train hard and heavy, cardio, run errands and rest, eat more, hit the gym for a second hard lift, cardio, eat again, and fall asleep to wake up and do it all over again the next day. I had killer workouts and my body loved the hot hot weather. Most days it was at least 114 degrees and I kept my water up to over 2 1/2 gallons, ensuring my muscle size stayed up. One day while in the gym, my team mate walked over mid lift and said, "look over there at that leg press...That's Nicole Wilkins Lee!" Sure enough, she was right there in the same Gold's gym working out. We pretty much stalked her, got a picture with her and had her sign a shirt. It was crazy! I remember being on stage and looking just behind the panel of judges, and she was sitting right there, watching all the figure girls compete. It was a dream come true! I can not describe the way it felt to compete in Vegas and I can not explain how amazing it felt to place in the Top 10! It was awesome and I can not wait to improve and move onward and upward from here.

After the night show on Saturday, a bunch of us went out to dinner and celebrated a little. I had a couple photo shoots the next morning so I was a good girl and got home early. The shoots were amazing! I had the opportunity to network with some awesome photographers, shoot in some beautiful locations and even shot with a couple other athletes. The trip home was very smooth and let me tell you, I am soo happy to be home and sleep in my own bed. I am taking a little time for R&R but I will be back sooner than ya think and time to get better than before!

Ciao for now,     J