Learning to "be"

I have done a lot of thinking lately and I think the title says it all....Learning to "be" is a very very hard thing for me as a competitor. I compete because I like the challenge, I love to push myself beyond measures I did not think I could achieve and lets be honest, I like the way I feel when I am dieted and ready for a competition. Now to go from abs and striations to a "softer" look is very tough mentally. I know I can get back to where I was and I know it is necessary to soften up in order for my body to heal and recover but even if I know without a doubt I will get back to contest shape, it does not make it any easier. Mr. T always reminds me of this and does not understand where I am coming from but why would he? He can clean up his diet for 2 weeks and drop 20 lbs! That's the difference between males and females plus after a competition, hormone levels are all over the place so if I am not ready to cry then I am ready to punch someone in the face, which makes those "days" that much harder. I bring this up because yesterday was one of them and I am trying my hardest to live in the present, enjoy my current state, and not focus on all the things I wish I could change about myself. We are our own worst enemy and it is very true that the mind-body connection directly correlates! If I think I am fat, damn well I will hold the toxins that are not only filling my mind but will be shown on my body. We as humans come in all shapes and sizes and it is about the journey. I know my final destination but there are sooo many bends, curves, and stops I will make along the way. It is my goal to inspire those who struggle with the same negative self-talk, show you how I overcome it and provide healthy ideas, recipes, workouts, and much more along the way.